Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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