i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize