My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize