Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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