i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize