rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
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He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
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I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
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