Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
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some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
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The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize