I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
And then he peed in my hair
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