I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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