Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
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Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
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Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
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