Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize