i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize