I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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