And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
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iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
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He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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