I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
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I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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