All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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