Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
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halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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