Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
