He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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