just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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