how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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