Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
you had me at cake vodka
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
They took my balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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