i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
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I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
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Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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