You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize