I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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