All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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