Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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