I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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