I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
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this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
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I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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