you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
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Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
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