there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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