He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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