I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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