Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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