Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
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i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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