When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
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She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
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When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
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