I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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