I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
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