Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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