I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize