He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
so let's talk penis.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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