Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
BRING THE BAGELS
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize