my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
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do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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