in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
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She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
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Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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