nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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