he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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