I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
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Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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