I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
