I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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