Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Im part way to drunk.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize