My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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