toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
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It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
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I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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