My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize